If Only

If only you would,

say you remember me.

Cause I’ve waited for you

since the day you left me.

I’m waiting,

in the room that was ours.

In this room,

I wait.

Devoid of hope,

and love,

and cheer,

somehow,

I wait for you,

my dear.

Every day I hear the door,

I run,

and throw my arms out wide,

hoping to see you…

But you’re never there.

In this world of ours,

so harsh and hostile,

I wait for you.

if only,

you’d wait for me.

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I Remember

Oh mother dear,

you’re gone now,

but I can’t help remembering,

the times you held me close,

or rocked me in your arms.

I loved you so,

dear mother.

And I waited too long to say it.

And now sickness has swept you,

from the realm of the living,

away from me,

and out of my life.

But I’ll keep you in my heart,

in the part reserved for you.

I beg you now,

mother,

to look from heaven,

to the earth below,

and hear me,

as I say,

I LOVE YOU.

Amnesia

AMNESIA

Why can’t I remember the way you smelled

the way you felt, the things you said

the day that grandpa died

When you held me to you

The only hug I can salvage from my past?

 

Why can’t I remember what you said the first day of kindergarten

When I slapped the teacher’s face

and squirmed out of her arms

Like a bar of wailing, wet soap slipping down the street ?

 

Why don’t I know how you felt those many years I left you longing for your son

In the silent house, that empty room,

With your restless maternal hands

Grasping at the ghosts in my room?

 

Why can’t I remember what you said that final Sunday

When your voice scratched across the miles

A phone line heavy with forgotten words

In a moment that will never be again?

 

Why can’t I remember?

I Am But Your Fool

I come at your beck and call
Though you’re never there for me
And I kiss the ground you tread on
Though you never notice me
And I slay the monsters ahead of you
Though you never see me
I polish your scepter and throne
Though you always look past me

What has become of me
What will become of me

I am but your fool
Sitting by your feet
Like a court jester
I prance in defeat
Making you smile
While my heart frowns
For I’ll never be the one
To wear the king’s crown

O, my queen
You torture me so
These invisible chains
Forbid me to go
My heart bleeds
For love in return
But I’m but a weed
Unwanted and scorned

What has become of me
What will become of me

I am but your fool
Sitting by your feet
Like a court jester
I prance in defeat

I am
April’s fool…
I am