I Can’t

I wish I knew then what I know now.

This phrase keeps repeating in my mind

I’m not entirely sure why.

Perhaps I’m tired of this life

I’m tired of the daily grind

I’m hoping there’s something more for me

More I’ve yet to find

But I feel so guilty for being dissatisfied 

I’m supposed to be thankful for what I’ve got

But is it really so wrong to wish for something more

Something better that I haven’t got?

I don’t want money or fame

I just want to feel happy

And if you say happiness is up to us 

Then we just don’t agree

Most times, the people you’re with affect your happiness

And this is very true for me

I am not happy

And I for this I have no remedy

Because I can’t change the other person

It’s an impossibility

And I can’t say a word

And I have no allies

And I can’t leave the world

I.

Am.

Trapped.

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Gone

I want to fade away
with the morning mists
to never come back again
I want to float out into the ocean
and let the tide take me away
from shore, from everyone

I am meant to be alone

I want to melt away in non-existence
and be part of nothing
I want to dissolve into think air
and not leave a trace
not even a memory of my face

I want to become lost
like the things people forget with time
I want to be with the clouds
and be blown away by the wind

I want to be a solitary tear
fall in silence
and be no more
forever.

~ Summer 1998

Bright / Dark

Standing on the
edge of sorrow
looking to tomorrow

Should I just jump
and fly a little
before the end comes near?

The mist is thick
The way unclear
All alone with my fears

The horizon
spread out beneath
my every hope and dream

Where is the light –
that bright beacon –
to pierce a soul so dark?

Should I just jump
and fly a little
before the end comes near?

{ 2013 April Poem-A-Day Challenge: Day #2 }