Amnesia

AMNESIA

Why can’t I remember the way you smelled

the way you felt, the things you said

the day that grandpa died

When you held me to you

The only hug I can salvage from my past?

 

Why can’t I remember what you said the first day of kindergarten

When I slapped the teacher’s face

and squirmed out of her arms

Like a bar of wailing, wet soap slipping down the street ?

 

Why don’t I know how you felt those many years I left you longing for your son

In the silent house, that empty room,

With your restless maternal hands

Grasping at the ghosts in my room?

 

Why can’t I remember what you said that final Sunday

When your voice scratched across the miles

A phone line heavy with forgotten words

In a moment that will never be again?

 

Why can’t I remember?

Cold Autumn Days

autumn forest river

there was a time when on cold autumn days
i would walk on fallen leaves
feel the chilly wind caress my hair
and stroll until comes the eve’

maybe sit a while to listen to a brook
draw a sketch or two or three
marvel at the vastness of the skies
and wonder what life held for me

still i long for days like that
a life with the slowest pace
the gentlest of times
as delicate as lace

No Longer Mine

There sure are alot of cars
I don’t remember that there
This place looks so different
I wonder why I care

I left so long ago
It’s been forever since then
I haven’t driven this stretch
Since I can’t remember when

The people look so different
There’s a foreign feel to the air
There’s no more sense of belonging
It almost seems unfair

Someone stole my childhood
The place of my happy youth
My place of safe boundaries
My world of truth

I drove by my house today
It looks so different now
I sat in my car in front of it
And felt so lost somehow

Through that window was my room
The other my brother’s
Then I moved down the hall
Closer to my mother and father’s

I looked with x-ray eyes
And I saw the narrow hallway
Leading to the living room
Where my brother and I used to play

I saw myself at the old computer
And on the couch watching t.v.
And under the dining table on the phone
Oh life then was truly easy

The backyard
The tree
The fence
The bees

The dirt
The clothesline
The garage door
The neighborhood feline

I saw it all
And then no more
And I drove away
Forevermore

My Tree

image

Not too dark
Not too bright
Here there is
Just enough light

When the sky
Is over pouring
Here it’s just
Slightly soaking

If the wind
Is whooshing outside
Here the breeze
Is very mild

Gentle rustlings
Above and below
And the rays of the sun
Perform a show

Calm thoughts
Gather here
Where birdsongs
Are always near

Time stops
Worries fade
I love it here
Under the shade

(of)

My tree.