A Student’s Wait

(read without stopping for breath)

gazing into space
waiting for time
to pass by
quickly
the feeling of
anxiety from this
long frustrating wait
kills
the inside of
me is slowly
bursting out of
nervousness
visions of the
future creep into
my head and
poisons
the dream strove
for is drifting
away from any
reach
the sky grows
dim with my
thundering heart just
waiting
endlessly thinking of
consequences and choices
that must be
done
and over the
fear there lies
the courage to
act
out of uneasiness
comes millions of
thoughts streaming in
wildly
wishing that soon
it would finally
arrive and come
fast
the news of
rejection or acceptance
will determine my
forever
for the grade
that would not
come tears me
apart!

~Summer 2000, college

in dedication to all students, as the school year draws closer to the end

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Gone

I want to fade away
with the morning mists
to never come back again
I want to float out into the ocean
and let the tide take me away
from shore, from everyone

I am meant to be alone

I want to melt away in non-existence
and be part of nothing
I want to dissolve into think air
and not leave a trace
not even a memory of my face

I want to become lost
like the things people forget with time
I want to be with the clouds
and be blown away by the wind

I want to be a solitary tear
fall in silence
and be no more
forever.

~ Summer 1998

A Lifetime of Love

The ocean has its treasures from ships long forgotten.
Forever it will keep the mysteries and secrets it holds.
It owns the lives of strangers and cradles babies in its soft floor.
Memories are wrapped in all their glory with pearls.

But the ocean is a mere river compared to the vastness of my heart.
Forever it will hold you and wrap you in its love.
Along with treasured feelings, you’ll be the diamond of them all.
You can occupy my deepest thoughts.
You won’t be cold, my heart will warm you.

So let me have you and come to me.
Step out of my dreams and let my arms hold you.
My heart is open, waiting for you.
Longing for your love, give me a chance.
Then destiny can take its place and together we can prove
that such beautiful love does exist in such a lonely world.

Let the flowers dry with envy and let the birds sing with jealousy.
We’ll walk among the clouds and have our dreams in our hands.
The world can keep revolving, but time cannot affect us.
We’ll have our own limits and live within the boundaries of our love.

So let the breeze blow softly and me.
Just as a river from deep within the forest finds its way to the sea,
let your love from deep within your heart flow unto me.
When time catches up, we’ll rest on a bed of roses and a blanket of silk.
Then together we’ll wake up and share eternity…

~ 1998, Inspired by “Titanic”

ocean

Image Credit: Wikipedia.org (click on photo)

Past or Present

Help me I am confused
I love you and you love me
But you also love her
How can this be?

She is your best friend
I know this to be true
But how come when you’re with her
I am left in the blue?

We have fun when we’re together
I’m the first one on your list
But why is it when you’re around her
I don’t seem to be missed?

You say I am your life
I am everything to you
But why compare me to her?
Is she everything to you too?

Every time that we talk
You say how much you care
But why do you side with her?
Of my feelings you don’t seem aware.

We really need to be honest
I know I have really tried
But why not tell me when you visit her?
I feel to me you have lied.

I try my best to understand
Give you the benefit of the doubt
I smile to help ease the pain
Can’t you hear me crying out?

You think we are okay
You think we are just fine
I think you’re like the day
With the night for a mind.

What is your reasoning
To act the way you do?
What is your logic
To treat me like you do?

Don’t you see what’s happening?
Don’t you get what’s going on?
Can’t you feel our love crumbling?
Can’t you see I can’t go on?

I think we are not okay
I think we are not fine
You better tell me now
All that is in your mind.

I feel I am exhausted
You drive me mad day by day
But I can’t say, “Me or her?”
Should I just go away?

I want our relationship
To be one that’s strong and true
But why do you seem closer to her?
Are you and I one or two?

It’s hard to believe what you say
When often you keep me waiting
But when you hear a word from her
You go quickly without hesitating.

Are you oblivious to our problems
Because you are busy with school?
Are you purposely unmindful?
Because, I tell you, I’M NO FOOL.

–> yr. 2000, college, about a friend